...............it all started as a friendship ............in matter of weeks .........we were romantically involved  with one other ...........i told him my pass .the reason why was i scared to get close to guys ........little by little he got my trust ................ it was very worried as much as i held back .the he give .......he said i Love you first .i guess you can say he broke the ice ....i took me some time but soon after i stared to say i love .........i let my guard down .....trusted him ...with my heart .i though it was safe .........

 

         we took long walk smoked a churro shared stories ..............he would  take me out .....showed respected for my daughter..there was so many good time i shared with him ............i got to admit i miss them  ............he really cared of me help me get my thongs done ................he help me so much .........im so thankfull

 WHY IS IT       I TAKE IN A BRETH SLOWLY      SO HARD TO CHANGE YOU  A FRIEND ONES TOLD ME WHEN YOU ARE NOT COMFIRTABLE IS WHEN YOU SHOULD FEEL    RIGHT   BECAUSE CHANGE IS DISCOMFERTED         YOUR CHANGING YOU  FOR YOUR BETTER SELF FOR YOUR OWN GOOD   RIGHT     YOUR FRIEND  SHOULD  BE HAPPY FOR YOU     NOT REALY   AND THE REASON IS YOUR CHANING YOU    AND MOST OF THEM WERE JUST LIKE YOU           YA     DOING  DRUGS    AND SMOKING WEED         SINCE   THE  YEAR  2000 TO NOW MY LIFE WAS HAS REBLOED AROUND  DRUG AND MARIJUANA  MY DAD USE TO SMOKE  AND SELL WEED  RIGHT UNDRE OR NOSE  I USE TO SEE IT ALL THE TIME  WE ARE TALKING ABOUT WEED RIGHT .   

 

IT ALL CHANGE THE DAY MY COUSIN NANCY MOVE TO MY MOMS HOUSE .............. YOU CAN SAY SHE PUT ME UP ON GAME ........... I FUCKED UP I KNOW I WAS VERY YOUNG AND STUPID ................... SHE TOLD ME THAT WEED WAS WEED AND THAT MY DAD SOLD IT SHE TOLD ME WERE MY MOM HAD THE WEED AT ....... I WAS LIKE 13 YEARS OLD ME AND COUSIN THAT WAS 15 AT THE TIME WOULD ALOT OF THING TOGETHER .SO ONE DAY SHE ASKED TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL TO GO TO A DP WITH .........I SAID HELL YAAAAAAAAAA.........

SHE TOOK MY EYEBROWS OUT DRESS ME DID MY MAKE UP FOR THE FRIST ...........THANK YOU COUSIN ..................SHE TOLD BUT GET SOME WEED FOR ME ....I  DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT I WHENT AND GOT IT .... THAT DAY CHANDE ME I SEEN MY DAD AS A DIFFERNT PERSON THAT MEAN BUSNISSES  ............. NOW I KNEW WHAT HE MENT DONT MAKE HIM DISAPER ........................

 

SO SINCE THAT DAY TO NOW I WENT TO 5 DIFFRENT JUNIOR HIGH  TO 4 DIFFRENT HIGH SCHOOOL .........

 

HAD  SO MANNY FIGHTING TICKETS NEVER WHEN TO CORT SEEN A MAN GET HIS FACE BOLWED OF BY THE PELTS OF A SHOT GUN

 

RIP  MY FRIENDS SO HARD TO LET GO OF THE HATE THAT THE STREE HAVE MADE OF ME SEEN THE ONES YOU ONES TRUSTED SHOW THEIR TRUE COLOR .......... IN DOSE TIMES THAT LOVE TURNS TO HATE WHEN YOU FEEL SO HURT BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU FEEL . IT FEELS REAL PAIN LIKE YOUR DIEDING AS IF YOUR SOUL IS BREAKING APRAT. AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOW NO BODY ELSE BUT ME BABYFACE IN THE 1990 S ONLY ..................... EVERY ONE WAS ALWAYS TO BUSSY TO GIVE A FUCK

IN THOSE TIME OR EVEN THOSE TIME WHEN I DONT HAVE NOTING NICE TO SAY I REST ON MY HEAD ON

THE VIRGEN MARYS LAP            SHE KNOWS MY HEART INSIDE OFF ME  SHE KNOWS MY UPS AND MY DOWN SHE

 EVEN KNOWS WHAT IS IN THE BOX THE ONE I NEVER TALK ABOUT ....................... AND SHE IS NOT SCRAD OF ME ............ SHE DOSENT SEE  DOSENT SEE EVIL SHE SEE PAIN

    HELP ME ON MY CHANGE I NEED A WAY OUT OF THIS CIRCLE THAT IS MAKING CRY AND MAKING ME SICK 

 

       ONLY IF I COULD PICK MY ON FAMILY MEMBER   HA HA HA

 im so happy with my self now

 

after 6 years of asking my self . how is my Dad doing is he okay . why has he not call . why did he leave .

why dosent my mom know were to fine him.

 

im get married in december and just yeaterday my boyfriend said i wish i can take that sad look of your face .

i know your sad because of your dad but dont worry .every thing is going to be okay BIG UP

 

and just about 15 min later my sistre calls me . she said he called our dad called .

 

i prayed for the when i would see him agen . now im asking my self why did he take so long . do i want him to be a part of my life .

 

i dont know .......

 

im going to sleep on it and leave every thing in GODS hands